Not my faith but His faithfulness 

Looking retrospectively at where I was in very recent past and where I am now has compelled me to share this summary:
God is so faithful! Mehn! He is just too much! How do u love people who alternate being cold, warm and hot for you faithfully and consistently? People who are sometimes too busy to make you a part of their day? No one has the ability to love unconditionally and faithfully irrespective of the other party’s acknowledgement or not but God. Words are inadequate to express the depth of His love and faithfulness to mankind. His faithfulness marvels me!
I must say that it has been far from a smooth sail but He has been so near… inshort at my weakest points He carries me…He makes all the difference …every need He has met, every promise He has kept! Even when my faith is far from enough His faithfulness has remained unwavering.
He deserves not just my praise but my yielding completely to Him…and I live to give Him His due!

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Things am grateful for

I have been invited to take up gratitude challenges several times on a number of platforms but I have always declined for no valid reason. On my last birthday(02/03/15), I went down memory lane and Mehn! My reasons to thank God are out numbered. God ‘s been simply amazing! He has been ‘extra’ faithful! Every need He has met…. Every promise He has kept! 

On this note, I have decided to write out few of the outnumbered reasons. Here they are:

Life

Am grateful for life in it’s totality. 3 decades is no joke! To sum it all up- God has been so faithful! Never would I have imagined that after all I have been through I’ll be this strong or have the courage I have. Sincerely, it’s God in my life that has made the difference. Every experience He let me go through was not without a purpose… times of success which will always be happy memories, times of failure which were reminders of my own weakness and of my dear need for God, times of joy when the sun was shining and all I could do was jump and celebrate God’s awesomeness, times of sadness which broke me down and ultimately drove me to God.

Each single one of them helped in the molding of a better me.

Am indeed grateful to God for the privilege of life!

Family

1. I am grateful to God for my family. Family is so unique because no one has the privilege of picking family(except spouses) but yet family bonds are so strong and cannot be broken. 

Family is simply amazing!

2. Am grateful to God for my parents. I have the best parents ever! They never withhold anything. So glad I have them.

My siblings are simply amazing and am so grateful to God for giving them all to me

3. Am grateful for family I had opportunities to pick. Some friends are indeed family. They have always had my back and brought so much joy to my life.

Relationships

1. I am grateful for all the people I have had the privilege to love and be loved by. It is not as simple as it sounds… it is infact a leap of faith to open your heart to someone, understanding that the relationship has the potential to hurt you and cause so much pain. So I am grateful for each person that looked at me and decided that I was a chance worth taking.

2. I am grateful for the lessons each relationship taught me. The good and bad ones taught me life lessons.
One day, in a conversation with an ex(he was begging me for a come back) he said to me “you have loved me so much that at a point I was scared and I have always known there is nothing I could ever do that will make you leave me so please why not let this slip as always”

I tell you that made me think deep and opened my eyes and I realised I had not been good and fair to myself. I used to have standards… there were things I just wouldn’t take. I lost that! I had not shown myself love and appreciation. I was caught up in the web of giving my heart out and I lost myself completely in the process.

I was one who created excuses for people who would never even bother giving excuses if they were confronted and I just decided I was done. 

I made a promise to myself that I would only engage in mutually affirming relationships and friendships. Relationships in which both parties are appreciated and not taken for granted.

Every relationship has revealed new truths to me – the things that matter to me, those that don’t and why. I understand myself better, why I act the way I do, the types of people I should date and those I should never date, what I can compromise and what I just can’t compromise and so much more. There are many things that I have learned along the way all of which have helped in crafting the person that I am and the greater person I will become.

3. I am grateful for every single period in my life. Every phase has it’s benefits. There is a blessing in the season of aloneness. When you can get up and move without worrying. When you can appraise a situation and see exactly how it works for you. It’s a phase of freedom. Freedom to take chances or make decisions as they need to be made. I have decided to enjoy my ‘pre-marriage’ season to the fullest so that when there is permanently a “we” season, I will have no reason to complain about things that I could have done but didn’t.

4. I am also grateful because I have learned the value of my affection. Many of us feel like we are being done a favour by our partners. Yes, we should be grateful for our partners and their value in our lives, but that gratitude must be balanced by a healthy appreciation of what we are bringing into the equation. This is not arrogance – I am an awesome partner; I know this. It took me time and lots of tears to learn this, but having done so, I have gained the ability to enter a relationship knowing that the person I am with is encountering an asset not a liability. I constantly remind myself that my value is not dependent on the person I am with, but on who I am. I acknowledge expectations but do not trap myself into meeting every single one of them. Everyone that is in my life is there because I have consciously chosen to keep them there.

5. I am grateful and excited about my relationship. I look forward daily to a value adding, mutually beneficial relationship. I am excited about learning more about this special person that God has brought into my life. I look forward to being a blessing and being blessed. I look forward to my marriage which is soon God willing. I know that it will be beautiful… I will accept nothing less!

6. Loving people has taught me more about loving God. I was made in God’s image and likeness so if I want to feel loved and appreciated by the people I have shown love how much more God that has loved me beyond measure? How much more God who loves me extravagantly? When I am trying to get out of praying, I remind myself about how much I love chatting with my fiance just before I sleep, and realise that God would probably like that too. When I am grumbling about reading my Bible, I remember the “Good morning love” messages that brighten my day and make me smile, how much more a love note from the Lover of my soul? I think of just how much it pleases me to lavish and receive love, and then I understand.

7. I am grateful for every heartbreak. Every heartbreak has stretched my heart and given me a better understanding of what love is and also what it’s not. I love deeply. That’s the only way I know how to… I am learning to love like God more and there is no way my heart could be as big as it has become without the heartbreaks. I have encountered many colors and shades of love…I know that love is not perfect and I accept that it is not meant to be; I understand that its beauty is in its many flaws and in its frailty and so I take as I am given, valuing and affirming myself and those around me in the process.

Health

1. I am grateful that am alive and in good health. it hasn’t been a smooth sail but am thankful that today I can sit and look back at my health journey and smile with a thankful heart. 

2. I am grateful for the health challenges I have faced… they made me appreciate good health so much.

There was a time I had allergic reactions and almost every antihistaminic drug known was prescribed for me and it was either there was no effect or my condition worsened. The drug that worked eventually isn’t primarily an antihistamine and was the cheapest of them all. That experience taught me a lot… 

It taught me not to take good health for granted.

It taught me it’s not the doctor’s knowledge or prescription or price of the medication that matters, it’s God that makes all the difference.

This I will always remember!

3. Am thankful for sanity. I saw a mad man today and I couldn’t help but appreciate God. Our mental soundness is something we take for granted.

Provision

This wasn’t initially part of the list but then something happened… I went to buy ‘akara’ not too far from my house and there were kids stopping to buy as well on their way to school. There was this 6-8year old who wasn’t wearing a uniform standing by the ‘akara’ spot and sincerely I didn’t even notice her presence till the woman selling asked her why she didn’t go to school and the little girl said she was yet to pay her fees and that there was no money. That triggered a thousand and one thoughts. Let me share few

1. I really wished I had to help… I would have been so glad to make a difference but I trust God that soon He will make that and more possible.

2. I also couldn’t help but thank God.

I flashed back to my school days and I remembered that school fees had never been an issue no matter the cost. There was a stage in my life that my school fees was in millions and the Lord sorted it out through my folks. I complain, think and cry about my not having a job at the moment and despite that I have not lacked my needs and even many of my wants. We take so many privileges for granted. Infact we see them as rights. I am guilty as well.

God has been super faithful. He has indeed been my Jehovah Jireh and today I choose to be more conscious and acknowledge His divine provision as often as possible. Today I choose to actively practice gratitude!

Education

1. Am grateful for the privilege of going to school. People that would have been more academically sound than I were denied that opportunity. I appreciate my parents and the opportunities they gave me

2. When I sit and look retrospectively at my academic journey 2 things happen * I laugh at myself *I reaffirm God’s faithfulness.

I did very well in my O’ level exams but I wrote JAMB thrice and I felt terrible. I wept my eyes out. I didn’t see a reason to live(lol). So funny right now but then I just didn’t see that reason. Made up my mind that I wasn’t going to write it the 3rd time because there was no point. Thanks to my Dad for believing in me cajoling me to and am glad i did. 

I got admission to study Veterinary Medicine and I excelled through Vet school despite the many challenges. God was beyond faithful! I didn’t spend an extra second in school.

My masters came with it’s challenges… I just assumed masters in the UK was a give away but I soon realised it was FAR from that. I gave in my very best but one thing I discovered was my best didn’t make me succeed God did.

When I remember the suicide thoughts because of JAMB I laugh. Look how far I have come. Oh trust me God is too much!

3. I am grateful for the many opportunities that still await me. God has huge plans for me… that knowledge excites me!

Favour

This is something I have enjoyed so much

1. I am grateful for favour in God’s sight. The Lord has shown me unmerited favour in every facet of my life. 

2. I am grateful for favour in the sight of men. People are always willing to help me/offer assistance even people I barely know or just met. In barely a week, i was considered for a program I had applied for for almost a year by the CEO and given the opportunity which is rarely given,a family I just met is housing me, people at work are even super excited to mentor me, I know it’s God through them and am grateful.

Will stop here for now hope to get back soon 😊

The start…

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I have always had a flair for writing. Anytime my emotions are heightened all i think of is ‘put it into writing’.

Happiness, sadness, fear, rage, confusion, and even peace and calm spur me to write. Majority of such are addressed to God. And sincerely, it always makes a difference…. I feel like the recipient halves or doubles it! (as the case may be)

I have had mixed feelings about having a platform where i would write and share my aspirations, experiences, thoughts, lessons learned and even regrets because am far from an open book. I talk alot but RARELY about the things rooted deep inside of me not even with my closest allies.

Today, i told myself this truth (bluntly) :

I can just be me!

Am done trying to play God… Done trying to make everything seem perfect when am burning inside…Done trying to make things work the way i think they should… Done trying to please everyone around me while displeasing myself… Done patching… Done lying to myself. Oh! Am done!

Am learning to communicate how i feel more often. Even if i am unable to say it, i will write it. I will make it known however!

Am also learning to say “Yes” with excitement, or else “No” with grace. It’s way better than being resentful for doing things i don’t want to and bottling up so much inside.

I just started the journey of a new decade in my life and i promised myself(with God’s help) that i will not just be me but i’ll be the best me!

For the general purpose of accountability i have decided to put down things i desire and hence will work toward achieving in the year ahead:

*A more intimate and personalised relationship with God

*Making healthier choices

*Loving and appreciating myself more than i ever have

*Being a better daughter, sister, partner and friend(as the case may be)

*Writing more often

*Giving nothing short of my best to the project am working on

*Building a career in Public Health and securing my dream job

*Ultimately making the best of my present rather than letting the days pass by without any goals, plans or achievements made.